Holding Pattern

I'm reluctant to admit it, but I've been doing quite well the last week or so.  I'm still dealing with pain in my ischials, but everything else is getting a lot better.  I'm sure something will go wrong any minute now, but right now, I'm pretty happy.  My hip feels okay, and I have scheduled surgery on my other hip for early May.

In the meantime, I'm just killing time, waiting for something to happen.

Gus and his family just left for Kansas for 10 days or so, and I'm reminded how lucky I am to have them in my life.  I honestly don't know how I could have gotten this far without them.  Some of my other friends are going to try to take up the slack without them this week, but I still feel naked knowing Gus isn't around.

Turns out I'm also going to miss little Evelyn.  Uyen sent me a video this week.

It immediately made me think of this.  I'm okay with being compared to Mr. Wonka.

Extremes

It's interesting how my life seems to be a series of extremes these days.  Just a couple weeks ago, everything seemed to be going wrong, and I was completely miserable.  Then suddenly, things turned around, and for the last week or so, it seems like things have been about as good as they could be.  Well, as good as they could be given my revised expectations.  It's not like I can walk or anything.

On Monday, my replacement seat cushions for my wheelchair arrived.  Those have really helped with my sitting pain.  Turns out the technical term for your butt bones is "ischium" or "ischial tuberosities".  Mine still don't feel great, but they feel soooooo much better than a couple weeks ago.  They no longer feel like the bones are going to come poking through at any time.  They do still feel sore all the time though.

My leg spasms are slightly worse than they were last week, but right now the things that bother me the most are pretty much behaving themselves.  Also, the pain in my hip seems a lot better this week, to the point that I'm thinking about scheduling my next surgery.  That's pretty exciting.

I'm still wearing the boots, but my heels are getting a lot better.  My left heel is essentially healed, and my right is on the way.  You can see that there is new skin under the remains of the blister, and it's only a matter of time before all the nasty old skin falls off.

I've had quite a few visitors in the last few days.  I mentioned Titus and Brittany in my last post, and since then, I've had dinner with Mike and Sue, David and Kristen, and last night with Julie.  It's been nice to have so much company for dinner since lately, it's been getting harder to get people to come hang out.  I'm not exactly lonely, but I certainly don't have the flood of visitors I had when I was in rehab.  I can't say I don't miss it.

Speaking of visitors, Gus's family will be out of town from March 23 through March 31, and I'll be all alone, so I'd love to see anybody who wants to stop by that week.  Especially if there's food involved.

And speaking of Gus's family, for the last year or so, I've been spending a lot of time with little Evelyn, and she's been growing up right before my eyes.  I guess that's what they do.  Anyway, when she started coming here, she could barely color inside the lines of a coloring book picture.  Lately, she has been drawing her own pictures.  Sometimes they're of her family, and sometimes she includes me.  I think that's precious.

Guess which one I am

A Good Day

After a couple days in bed, my butt felt a little better yesterday.  Not great, just not quite as painful as before.  So yesterday Titus and Brittany came down for dinner, and we had a good time at Buffalo Wings and Rings.

Friends and food

I love these guys.  I love that they still come visit me as often as they do.  I think I see more of them now that I live 30 minutes away than I did when I lived next door.

We also had some Blue Bell ice cream, and Titus gave me a haircut.  All the time in the wheelchair made my butt hurt more today, but it was worth it.  Now I'm going back to bed to rest my butt, but I wanted to share that I had a good day.  Still taking them one at a time.

Two Steps Back

I had my appointment with Dr. Dahners last week, and it went about as well as could have been hoped.  He said he saw no evidence of bone regrowth, and that I could schedule the next surgery whenever I'm ready.

The problem is I'm not ready.  The right hip still hurts quite a bit, and I've given up hope of that ever changing.  I really don't want to have to deal with both hips in pain for the rest of my life, but that's seeming like how it's going to happen.

Last week was really good.  I had some changes in meds that seemed to make a big improvement to something that has been bothering me since I got out of the hospital.  I consider it the biggest problem I have, but it's something I don't like to talk about on the blog.  I was ecstatic that it was finally getting better after 8 months of constant discouragement.  I actually felt like going out and having a little fun.  I was actually looking forward to writing this blog.

The I got to the weekend.  The thing that had been improving suddenly got worse than it's been in a long time.  I had stupidly allowed myself to believe things were getting better, so that has been a huge emotional blow.

At the same time, I've started having pressure issues with my rear.  The seat cushions I have for my wheelchair have started to come apart, and I didn't realize how bad it was until I started experiencing pain in my butt.  It has gotten worse every day for the last week or two, and the last couple days it was so bad I didn't want to get out of bed at all.  I got up last night for a few hours to have wine and cheese with some friends which was a lot of fun, but really painful.

I think I'm starting to develop pressure sores on my rear.  There's no visual evidence when you look, but it feels like my hip bones are tearing through from the inside.  Any time I sit up, it feels like I'm sitting on a hot skillet, and it's a horrible problem to have for someone who can't stand up.

Oh, and I'm still wearing those boots for my heel issues.  That's still no fun.

Gus went and got me a temporary replacement cushion for my wheelchair which hurts a lot less, but it's uncomfortable in other ways, and I just found out I can no longer fit my legs under my dining room table because it's thicker and sits me up higher.

In the context of everything that's going wrong right now, I can't even give any attention to the fact that my hip seems better.

Since I've been spending so much time in bed the last couple days, I've had time to think, and I realized my injury happened a year ago next month.  That was a crazy realization, but then I thought about how little progress I've made in that time.  Whenever something gets a little better, something else gets worse.  And then invariably the first thing gets worse again later.  I think my right hip is the only thing that is better now than when I left rehab.  That's pretty depressing to think about.

I guess my leg spasms are somewhat reduced.  I'm going to go get back in bed and think about that I guess.