The wound on my heel is healing nicely. I could try to tell you about it, but instead, I'm just going to share the slide show of all the pictures Gus has taken of it. He takes the pictures so we have a record, but also (mostly) because I can't actually see it myself. I'm not flexible enough to see the bottom of my heel.
Heel Pics
The other thing I want to do is quickly talk about my butt. I have a major pain in my butt. I know many of you are confused because I AM a major pain in the butt, but try to stay with me.
Questions from many of my recent visitors indicate to me that I haven't done an adequate job of explaining the pain in my butt. My spinal injury is what's known as "incomplete". To me, that sounds like I didn't do a proper job of injuring myself, but what it means is that my spinal cord was not completely severed, and that some signals are still making it through from the paralyzed part of my body to my brain.
For some people, an incomplete spinal injury results in partial control of the muscles in their lower extremities. For me, it means that I have no control, but some sensation. I can't feel anything that happens to the exterior of my body. If I pinch myself or slap myself, or cut myself, I don't feel it. I can't feel the horrible wound on my heel. However, I do feel most of the pain that originates from inside my body. So I would feel a muscle injury or from a deep bruise. If I broke a bone, I suspect I would feel that.
It feels like there is a very deep bruise inside my butt cheeks, originating near my pelvic bones, right where my weight goes when I sit. This pain has been getting worse over time, and it's now at a point where it's all I can think about when I'm sitting up. I think dealing with this pain, and whatever actual injury may be associated with it will likely be the biggest challenge to getting on with my life post-injury.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
April 21
It's hard to believe, but it has been exactly one year since my injury, so I want to take a look back at what I've learned, and review what I'm looking forward to in the year to come. I want to write a structured review of everything I've been through, and where I am, and what I'm expecting from the future. That's what I WANT to do.
Unfortunately, when I try to write that post, that's not what comes out. I've started to write this post five times, but everything I write sounds meaningless to me. I don't want to read it myself, and I don't want you to read it. So instead of the structured, polished overview I wanted to write, I'm going to write what my heart tells me I need to write.
After a year, I am still blown away by the fact that I have survived almost entirely on the support of my friends. I know I've talked about it before, but my heart tells me I need to repeat it. When I left the hospital in June of last year, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to survive on my own. I have never wanted to rely on anyone for anything, and I have never had to. Now I have to rely on someone for almost everything, and I did not think there was anyone in my life that would be able to give me the amount of help I needed.
All of my friends have done so much to help me through this, and I can't say enough about that, but a lot of the people who have done the done the most, and who have visited me the most consistently are people I would never have suspected a year ago.
David Eads was a guy from work. We used to discuss automotive repairs and occasionally woodworking. I think I visited his house once, and I think he came to my house once to help change a wheel bearing on my truck. For most of the last year, he has brought his wife, Kristen, and small daughter, Lydia, to my apartment every three weeks along with a delicious home-cooked meal. The Eads' live over 30 minutes away, and I don't know why they are willing to do it, but I really look forward to their company (and food).
Titus and Brittany Bulzan were my next door neighbors before I got hurt. They are the best neighbors I've ever had, and I still love that they have always just referred to me as "Neighbor". We've been friends since they moved in, but I never would have guessed they cared about me as much as they do. A year ago, I would have guessed they would stop visiting after a few months. They also live about 30 minutes away, but between dinner visits, taking me to doctor appointments, and giving me haircuts, I've seen more of them than just about anybody since my injury. One of my biggest regrets about getting hurt is that I had to move so far away from them. When I lived next door, I didn't see them every day, and now I wish I could.
Jimmy and Tobi Nguyen are old friends and former roommates, but we haven't seen much of each other since I moved to North Raleigh 9 years ago. They are very busy with two very time-consuming little girls, but they have made it their business to help me any way they can, and to make it clear to me that I can count on them for anything I need. Sometimes they bring me food after the girls have gone to bed, sometimes they take me up to visit the farmer's market, they've taken me to a couple doctor's appointments, and they have helped me with daily living when my regular helpers are away. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised about the amount of help they've given me, but I guess I assumed they had better things to do with their time. I'm incredibly grateful for the time they spend with me though.
Gus and Uyen Carey were barely acquaintances a year ago. I had only met Uyen a couple times, and Gus was primarily the neighbor of a friend. An improbably nice guy who let us borrow his truck to go to the racetrack, and with whom I had spent a few days at the track, but who I would not have considered a close friend. We certainly got along, but all we really knew about each other is that we both liked riding motorcycles on the racetrack.
Now, a year later, I can't imagine my life without the Careys. Gus and Evelyn still come over here at least 5 days a week, often 6. They treat me better than most people treat their families. They have done so much for me in the past year that there's no way for me to express my gratitude. When I think about what they have done for me, it makes my heart hurt.
The greatest gift they Careys have given me is they have taken my fear away. When they first started taking care of me, I assumed they couldn't possibly keep doing it for a month, or two months. Now it's almost a year, and they aren't showing signs of stopping. They're so nonchalant about it, in fact, that it almost makes it easy to take them for granted. I caught myself starting to think that way this week, and I actually had to remind myself how preposterously lucky I am to have them. As many problems as I still have, I still think I may be the luckiest paraplegic on earth.
Looks like I didn't finish writing this in time to publish on the 21st, but I guess that's what I felt like I needed to write about. I know I didn't mention everybody who's helped me, and I didn't mention everybody who has visited me, but these are the people who I would never have guessed a year ago would become as important to me as they are now.
Life is funny, isn't it?
Unfortunately, when I try to write that post, that's not what comes out. I've started to write this post five times, but everything I write sounds meaningless to me. I don't want to read it myself, and I don't want you to read it. So instead of the structured, polished overview I wanted to write, I'm going to write what my heart tells me I need to write.
After a year, I am still blown away by the fact that I have survived almost entirely on the support of my friends. I know I've talked about it before, but my heart tells me I need to repeat it. When I left the hospital in June of last year, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to survive on my own. I have never wanted to rely on anyone for anything, and I have never had to. Now I have to rely on someone for almost everything, and I did not think there was anyone in my life that would be able to give me the amount of help I needed.
All of my friends have done so much to help me through this, and I can't say enough about that, but a lot of the people who have done the done the most, and who have visited me the most consistently are people I would never have suspected a year ago.
David Eads was a guy from work. We used to discuss automotive repairs and occasionally woodworking. I think I visited his house once, and I think he came to my house once to help change a wheel bearing on my truck. For most of the last year, he has brought his wife, Kristen, and small daughter, Lydia, to my apartment every three weeks along with a delicious home-cooked meal. The Eads' live over 30 minutes away, and I don't know why they are willing to do it, but I really look forward to their company (and food).
Titus and Brittany Bulzan were my next door neighbors before I got hurt. They are the best neighbors I've ever had, and I still love that they have always just referred to me as "Neighbor". We've been friends since they moved in, but I never would have guessed they cared about me as much as they do. A year ago, I would have guessed they would stop visiting after a few months. They also live about 30 minutes away, but between dinner visits, taking me to doctor appointments, and giving me haircuts, I've seen more of them than just about anybody since my injury. One of my biggest regrets about getting hurt is that I had to move so far away from them. When I lived next door, I didn't see them every day, and now I wish I could.
Jimmy and Tobi Nguyen are old friends and former roommates, but we haven't seen much of each other since I moved to North Raleigh 9 years ago. They are very busy with two very time-consuming little girls, but they have made it their business to help me any way they can, and to make it clear to me that I can count on them for anything I need. Sometimes they bring me food after the girls have gone to bed, sometimes they take me up to visit the farmer's market, they've taken me to a couple doctor's appointments, and they have helped me with daily living when my regular helpers are away. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised about the amount of help they've given me, but I guess I assumed they had better things to do with their time. I'm incredibly grateful for the time they spend with me though.
Gus and Uyen Carey were barely acquaintances a year ago. I had only met Uyen a couple times, and Gus was primarily the neighbor of a friend. An improbably nice guy who let us borrow his truck to go to the racetrack, and with whom I had spent a few days at the track, but who I would not have considered a close friend. We certainly got along, but all we really knew about each other is that we both liked riding motorcycles on the racetrack.
Now, a year later, I can't imagine my life without the Careys. Gus and Evelyn still come over here at least 5 days a week, often 6. They treat me better than most people treat their families. They have done so much for me in the past year that there's no way for me to express my gratitude. When I think about what they have done for me, it makes my heart hurt.
The greatest gift they Careys have given me is they have taken my fear away. When they first started taking care of me, I assumed they couldn't possibly keep doing it for a month, or two months. Now it's almost a year, and they aren't showing signs of stopping. They're so nonchalant about it, in fact, that it almost makes it easy to take them for granted. I caught myself starting to think that way this week, and I actually had to remind myself how preposterously lucky I am to have them. As many problems as I still have, I still think I may be the luckiest paraplegic on earth.
Looks like I didn't finish writing this in time to publish on the 21st, but I guess that's what I felt like I needed to write about. I know I didn't mention everybody who's helped me, and I didn't mention everybody who has visited me, but these are the people who I would never have guessed a year ago would become as important to me as they are now.
Life is funny, isn't it?
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Random Stuff
So my Martinsville friends came to visit me last Friday. Most of them drove down from Maryland, and they hung out with me Friday night and crashed in my apartment. I think it was the most fun I've had since my injury. I hope I can go hang out with them at the cabin in October, but we'll see about that when the time comes.
I was able to take everybody to my favorite restaurant, Tribeca Tavern. Here's a picture.
My life is in such a routine right now that it's really nice to break out of that rut and have some real fun.
The weather has been warming up, and I've been taking more walks around the neighborhood. I assume I'm getting stronger, but it happens so slowly, it's hard to really notice a change.
In the last week, I've had two dreams where I could walk, but in both, my legs didn't work right. My legs would sort of support me, but I kept falling down when I tried to walk. I think my brain knows I'm not supposed to be walking at this point. Or maybe I've just forgotten what walking is really like.
I got a new bed this week. I ordered from a store on the internet after extensive discussions with their sales guys about whether their mattress would help with my pressure issues. I was very optimistic about it, but when it showed up, it was immediately apparent that not only did I not think it would help with pressure relief, the new mattress wasn't even as comfortable as the 10 year old mattress it was replacing. Fortunately, they have a good return policy.
The pain in my butt continues to be an issue. Some days are better than others, but none are pain-free. I have no idea what I'm going to do about it.
Surgery is now less than a month away. It's going to be interesting to see what changes after that. That's all I'm really thinking about these days.
I was able to take everybody to my favorite restaurant, Tribeca Tavern. Here's a picture.
 |
| Jon, Mark T., Chris, Me, Matt, Wendy, TC, and Curt Tucker at Tribeca |
The weather has been warming up, and I've been taking more walks around the neighborhood. I assume I'm getting stronger, but it happens so slowly, it's hard to really notice a change.
In the last week, I've had two dreams where I could walk, but in both, my legs didn't work right. My legs would sort of support me, but I kept falling down when I tried to walk. I think my brain knows I'm not supposed to be walking at this point. Or maybe I've just forgotten what walking is really like.
I got a new bed this week. I ordered from a store on the internet after extensive discussions with their sales guys about whether their mattress would help with my pressure issues. I was very optimistic about it, but when it showed up, it was immediately apparent that not only did I not think it would help with pressure relief, the new mattress wasn't even as comfortable as the 10 year old mattress it was replacing. Fortunately, they have a good return policy.
The pain in my butt continues to be an issue. Some days are better than others, but none are pain-free. I have no idea what I'm going to do about it.
Surgery is now less than a month away. It's going to be interesting to see what changes after that. That's all I'm really thinking about these days.
Friday, April 5, 2013
The Best of Times
It's been quite a while since I've posted.
When nothing is happening, I don't feel motivated to post because I have nothing to say. On the other hand, when I'm really busy, I don't feel like taking the time to post. Fortunately, the last 2 weeks have been the latter, not the former.
Gus and his family were away all last week, and I was worried I might be alone too much. Fortunately, I had the opposite problem. My friend Tobi came over most of the days that Gus was gone to help with all the things I still need help with. She also took me to a doctor's appointment. I'm still astounded by how many people in my life are willing to help me when I need it. My friends continue to amaze me. I can't believe how lucky I am.
Then I also had a lot of dinner guests last week. I had saved up some leftovers to have for dinner last week, but I had so many dinner guests, the leftovers went bad before I got to them. This is a good problem to have.
Gus doesn't usually come over until around 12:00 for lunch, and then he usually stays most of the afternoon, but Tobi's schedule dictated that she had to come earlier and leave earlier, so it forced me to get up earlier, and gave me a bunch of free time in the afternoons. I used the time to shop for a new computer and to work on some programming skills I had been wanting to learn. That was kindof fun.
Tobi' husband, Jimmy, who used to be my roommate came over one night to watch some of the NCAA tournament. I went out to see a movie with Tobi (Oz the Great and Powerful), I went with Jimmy and Tobi to the local Farmer's Market and bought some cheese and a delicious sausage biscuit. I got a cup holder for my wheelchair. I did a couple vigorous walks around the neighborhood. I watched a couple movies I had been saving for a special occasion, and I generally felt really good.
I've been feeling really good the last little while, and it's pretty exciting. My heels are healing nicely. I still have quite a bit of pain in my butt, and I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that somehow, but in almost every other regard, I've been doing great. Even the program has been really great this week.
I'm just waiting for surgery, and after that, I should finally be back to where I was in rehab. I can't wait.
I'd like to write more, but this weekend is Martinsville, and while I can't make it up to the cabin yet, my friends are on their way to my apartment right now to hang out before they go, so I have to go get ready. Should be a fun evening.
When nothing is happening, I don't feel motivated to post because I have nothing to say. On the other hand, when I'm really busy, I don't feel like taking the time to post. Fortunately, the last 2 weeks have been the latter, not the former.
Gus and his family were away all last week, and I was worried I might be alone too much. Fortunately, I had the opposite problem. My friend Tobi came over most of the days that Gus was gone to help with all the things I still need help with. She also took me to a doctor's appointment. I'm still astounded by how many people in my life are willing to help me when I need it. My friends continue to amaze me. I can't believe how lucky I am.
 |
| Tobi also brings cute little half-asian daughter |
Then I also had a lot of dinner guests last week. I had saved up some leftovers to have for dinner last week, but I had so many dinner guests, the leftovers went bad before I got to them. This is a good problem to have.
Gus doesn't usually come over until around 12:00 for lunch, and then he usually stays most of the afternoon, but Tobi's schedule dictated that she had to come earlier and leave earlier, so it forced me to get up earlier, and gave me a bunch of free time in the afternoons. I used the time to shop for a new computer and to work on some programming skills I had been wanting to learn. That was kindof fun.
Tobi' husband, Jimmy, who used to be my roommate came over one night to watch some of the NCAA tournament. I went out to see a movie with Tobi (Oz the Great and Powerful), I went with Jimmy and Tobi to the local Farmer's Market and bought some cheese and a delicious sausage biscuit. I got a cup holder for my wheelchair. I did a couple vigorous walks around the neighborhood. I watched a couple movies I had been saving for a special occasion, and I generally felt really good.
 |
| A sorely needed wheelchair addition |
I've been feeling really good the last little while, and it's pretty exciting. My heels are healing nicely. I still have quite a bit of pain in my butt, and I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that somehow, but in almost every other regard, I've been doing great. Even the program has been really great this week.
I'm just waiting for surgery, and after that, I should finally be back to where I was in rehab. I can't wait.
I'd like to write more, but this weekend is Martinsville, and while I can't make it up to the cabin yet, my friends are on their way to my apartment right now to hang out before they go, so I have to go get ready. Should be a fun evening.
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