Post Surgery

Surgery number 2 is in the books.  I got home from the hospital yesterday.  My stay at the hospital wasn't much fun, but it was better than last time.  This time we actually got to stay in rooms with walls and doors, so that was nice.

An uneventful picture of me before surgery

The surgeon said the surgery went pretty well.  He said they were able to remove a lot of bone.  More than last time.  They said I lost a lot of blood.  More than last time.  I definitely felt weak afterwards.

Day 2 after surgery

The good news is that my left hip didn't hurt at all after surgery.  I just don't think I can feel my left hip.  My right hip, on the other hand, which they didn't touch, hurt a LOT after surgery.  Of course it hurt before surgery, and it still hurts now.  It also feels like it has less range of motion than before the surgery.  It's all very weird, and I'm hoping it gets better as I heal, but I'll just have to wait and see.

If you don't want your body to do very strange things, don't break your spine.

They are sending me PT and OT to help me at home here, so we'll see how that goes.

I'm still loving my new mattress.  I was fantasizing about it the entire time I was in the hospital.  Those hospital beds are not comfortable, and it was bliss when I could get into my own bed and use a pillow that was not covered in plastic.  I slept about 14 hours last night.

I wish I had something else interesting to say, but I don't.  Right now, I'm just concentrating on resting and feeling better.

Surgery #2 and Bedding

It's almost time.  My second hip surgery is this Wednesday.  My mom arrives Tuesday morning, and will stay until the 15th.  I'm excited that the surgery is happening, and I'm looking forward to seeing my mom.  I haven't had an overnight guest in a while.

I'm hoping that my recovery will be quick, but I'll just have to wait and see.

In other news, I finally got my new mattress.  I'm very glad I got it in time to do my surgery recovery on it.

I did a whole lot of research before buying this mattress (after buying 2 other mattresses that were less comfortable than my 9-year-old metal spring mattress).  This is a 10" latex foam mattress that I got from a place called sleepez.com.

My mattress pieces before assembly

It's considered a "kit" mattress, and it arrives in pieces that you have to assemble.  There are 6 slabs of latex foam, each 3 inches thick, with different softness ratings.  You stack three on each side of a zip-up cover that holds it all together.  Then you can rearrange layers until you get the feel you want.

Looks kinda like this

I ordered XFirm, Medium, Soft for the side I sleep on, and Firm, Firm, Medium to put on the other side and use to experiment with if I wanted to swap out layers.  Fortunately, the XFirm, Medium, Soft feels really good.  So good that the only other arrangement I want to try is Firm, Medium, Soft.  So I have to exchange one of my Firm layers for a Soft, and then I can try both arrangements side by side.  They'll let me exchange layers really cheap for the first 90 days.

I don't know which of those two arrangements I will prefer, but the one I have now feels really good.  It's supportive, but soft.  I can sleep comfortably on my side or my back, or even on my front.  I've never experienced a mattress this comfortable.

Latex is nice because doesn't form lasting impressions like memory foam does.  That's important because I would have a hard time transferring out of an impression.

Also the mattress works perfectly on my electric adjustable frame.  I never thought I'd want one of these, but I've used it a couple days now, and I have to say, it's really nice to be able to sit up in bed comfortably, and work on my laptop like I'm doing right now.  I can even sleep with my feet elevated which I've wanted to do since I came home from rehab, but have been unable.

In conclusion, I wish I had bought this mattress a long time ago.  Years ago really.  But it took months of research to figure out what I wanted.  This one wasn't exactly cheap, but it has a 20-year warranty and should last longer than that.  If you're thinking about buying a mattress, you should try mine out.  I couldn't be happier with it.

Pending Surgery

This morning, I had my pre-op appointment with Dr. Dahners to talk about my next hip surgery.  The appointment was uneventful, and the surgery is next week.  I have to admit I'm a little bit nervous.

I guess it's normal to get nervous whenever anybody cuts a huge hole in your body.  I got the impression today that they cut the bone out with a hammer and chisel, so that sounds violent.  I hope I'm not in too much pain afterwards.

I'm also apprehensive because after the surgery, I have to start doing therapy again.  I'm supposed to start working on advanced wheelchair skills, and things like floor transfers and driving a car.  I'm excited to try that stuff, but I'm also pretty sure it's going to put me on a timer to go back to work. 

My feelings about return to work are mixed.  I'm looking forward to getting back to a sense of normalcy, and I'm also really looking forward to the social aspect of it.  It would be nice to get out of the apartment on my own, and see friends and coworkers every day.

At the same time, I'm worried they might force me out there before I'm really ready.  If that were to happen, I might find myself in situations I don't know how to deal with, or I might find myself injuring myself just by spending too much time out of the house.

So that's what I'm thinking about right now.  I don't know if I have any reason to worry, but it's my nature.  Hopefully my fears are unfounded, and I'm worried about nothing.  The next step is just to worry about getting through the surgery.

In other news, I ordered a new mattress this week which should arrive tomorrow or the next day.  It should arrive tomorrow or Saturday, and I'm optimistic that it will be really comfortable.  So I'm really excited about that.  Hopefully it will help with some of my butt pain by relieving pressure when I sleep.

I also got to the wheelchair store this week to try out some different seat cushions.  I borrowed one that seems a lot better.  It's filled entirely with air, so it's very comfortable, but it's much harder to transfer onto and off of.  It's called a Roho, and I may have to get one.  I might use it temporarily until my butt feels better and then switch back.  I'm not sure yet, but it's nice to have options.

A Roho air cushion.

Healing Heel

The wound on my heel is healing nicely.  I could try to tell you about it, but instead, I'm just going to share the slide show of all the pictures Gus has taken of it.  He takes the pictures so we have a record, but also (mostly) because I can't actually see it myself.  I'm not flexible enough to see the bottom of my heel.

Heel Pics

The other thing I want to do is quickly talk about my butt.  I have a major pain in my butt.  I know many of you are confused because I AM a major pain in the butt, but try to stay with me.

Questions from many of my recent visitors indicate to me that I haven't done an adequate job of explaining the pain in my butt.  My spinal injury is what's known as "incomplete".  To me, that sounds like I didn't do a proper job of injuring myself, but what it means is that my spinal cord was not completely severed, and that some signals are still making it through from the paralyzed part of my body to my brain.

For some people, an incomplete spinal injury results in partial control of the muscles in their lower extremities.  For me, it means that I have no control, but some sensation.  I can't feel anything that happens to the exterior of my body.  If I pinch myself or slap myself, or cut myself, I don't feel it.  I can't feel the horrible wound on my heel.  However, I do feel most of the pain that originates from inside my body.  So I would feel a muscle injury or from a deep bruise.  If I broke a bone, I suspect I would feel that.

It feels like there is a very deep bruise inside my butt cheeks, originating near my pelvic bones, right where my weight goes when I sit.  This pain has been getting worse over time, and it's now at a point where it's all I can think about when I'm sitting up.  I think dealing with this pain, and whatever actual injury may be associated with it will likely be the biggest challenge to getting on with my life post-injury.

April 21

It's hard to believe, but it has been exactly one year since my injury, so I want to take a look back at what I've learned, and review what I'm looking forward to in the year to come.  I want to write a structured review of everything I've been through, and where I am, and what I'm expecting from the future.  That's what I WANT to do.

Unfortunately, when I try to write that post, that's not what comes out.  I've started to write this post five times, but everything I write sounds meaningless to me.  I don't want to read it myself, and I don't want you to read it.  So instead of the structured, polished overview I wanted to write, I'm going to write what my heart tells me I need to write.

After a year, I am still blown away by the fact that I have survived almost entirely on the support of my friends.  I know I've talked about it before, but my heart tells me I need to repeat it.  When I left the hospital in June of last year, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to survive on my own.  I have never wanted to rely on anyone for anything, and I have never had to.  Now I have to rely on someone for almost everything, and I did not think there was anyone in my life that would be able to give me the amount of help I needed.

All of my friends have done so much to help me through this, and I can't say enough about that, but a lot of the people who have done the done the most, and who have visited me the most consistently are people I would never have suspected a year ago.

David Eads was a guy from work.  We used to discuss automotive repairs and occasionally woodworking.  I think I visited his house once, and I think he came to my house once to help change a wheel bearing on my truck.  For most of the last year, he has brought his wife, Kristen, and small daughter, Lydia, to my apartment every three weeks along with a delicious home-cooked meal.  The Eads' live over 30 minutes away, and I don't know why they are willing to do it, but I really look forward to their company (and food).

Titus and Brittany Bulzan were my next door neighbors before I got hurt.  They are the best neighbors I've ever had, and I still love that they have always just referred to me as "Neighbor".  We've been friends since they moved in, but I never would have guessed they cared about me as much as they do.  A year ago, I would have guessed they would stop visiting after a few months.  They also live about 30 minutes away, but between dinner visits, taking me to doctor appointments, and giving me haircuts, I've seen more of them than just about anybody since my injury.  One of my biggest regrets about getting hurt is that I had to move so far away from them.  When I lived next door, I didn't see them every day, and now I wish I could.

Jimmy and Tobi Nguyen are old friends and former roommates, but we haven't seen much of each other since I moved to North Raleigh 9 years ago.  They are very busy with two very time-consuming little girls, but they have made it their business to help me any way they can, and to make it clear to me that I can count on them for anything I need.  Sometimes they bring me food after the girls have gone to bed, sometimes they take me up to visit the farmer's market, they've taken me to a couple doctor's appointments, and they have helped me with daily living when my regular helpers are away.  Maybe I shouldn't be surprised about the amount of help they've given me, but I guess I assumed they had better things to do with their time.  I'm incredibly grateful for the time they spend with me though.

Gus and Uyen Carey were barely acquaintances a year ago.  I had only met Uyen a couple times, and Gus was primarily the neighbor of a friend.  An improbably nice guy who let us borrow his truck to go to the racetrack, and with whom I had spent a few days at the track, but who I would not have considered a close friend.  We certainly got along, but all we really knew about each other is that we both liked riding motorcycles on the racetrack.

Now, a year later, I can't imagine my life without the Careys.  Gus and Evelyn still come over here at least 5 days a week, often 6.  They treat me better than most people treat their families.  They have done so much for me in the past year that there's no way for me to express my gratitude.  When I think about what they have done for me, it makes my heart hurt.

The greatest gift they Careys have given me is they have taken my fear away.  When they first started taking care of me, I assumed they couldn't possibly keep doing it for a month, or two months.  Now it's almost a year, and they aren't showing signs of stopping.  They're so nonchalant about it, in fact, that it almost makes it easy to take them for granted.  I caught myself starting to think that way this week, and I actually had to remind myself how preposterously lucky I am to have them.  As many problems as I still have, I still think I may be the luckiest paraplegic on earth.

Looks like I didn't finish writing this in time to publish on the 21st, but I guess that's what I felt like I needed to write about.  I know I didn't mention everybody who's helped me, and I didn't mention everybody who has visited me, but these are the people who I would never have guessed a year ago would become as important to me as they are now.

Life is funny, isn't it?

Random Stuff

So my Martinsville friends came to visit me last Friday.  Most of them drove down from Maryland, and they hung out with me Friday night and crashed in my apartment.  I think it was the most fun I've had since my injury.  I hope I can go hang out with them at the cabin in October, but we'll see about that when the time comes.

I was able to take everybody to my favorite restaurant, Tribeca Tavern.  Here's a picture.

Jon, Mark T., Chris, Me, Matt, Wendy, TC, and Curt Tucker at Tribeca

My life is in such a routine right now that it's really nice to break out of that rut and have some real fun.

The weather has been warming up, and I've been taking more walks around the neighborhood.  I assume I'm getting stronger, but it happens so slowly, it's hard to really notice a change.

In the last week, I've had two dreams where I could walk, but in both, my legs didn't work right.  My legs would sort of support me, but I kept falling down when I tried to walk.  I think my brain knows I'm not supposed to be walking at this point.  Or maybe I've just forgotten what walking is really like.

I got a new bed this week.  I ordered from a store on the internet after extensive discussions with their sales guys about whether their mattress would help with my pressure issues.  I was very optimistic about it, but when it showed up, it was immediately apparent that not only did I not think it would help with pressure relief, the new mattress wasn't even as comfortable as the 10 year old mattress it was replacing.  Fortunately, they have a good return policy.

The pain in my butt continues to be an issue.  Some days are better than others, but none are pain-free.  I have no idea what I'm going to do about it.

Surgery is now less than a month away.  It's going to be interesting to see what changes after that.  That's all I'm really thinking about these days.

The Best of Times

It's been quite a while since I've posted.

When nothing is happening, I don't feel motivated to post because I have nothing to say.  On the other hand, when I'm really busy, I don't feel like taking the time to post.  Fortunately, the last 2 weeks have been the latter, not the former.

Gus and his family were away all last week, and I was worried I might be alone too much.  Fortunately, I had the opposite problem.  My friend Tobi came over most of the days that Gus was gone to help with all the things I still need help with.  She also took me to a doctor's appointment.  I'm still astounded by how many people in my life are willing to help me when I need it.  My friends continue to amaze me.  I can't believe how lucky I am.

Tobi also brings cute little half-asian daughter

Then I also had a lot of dinner guests last week.  I had saved up some leftovers to have for dinner last week, but I had so many dinner guests, the leftovers went bad before I got to them.  This is a good problem to have.

Gus doesn't usually come over until around 12:00 for lunch, and then he usually stays most of the afternoon, but Tobi's schedule dictated that she had to come earlier and leave earlier, so it forced me to get up earlier, and gave me a bunch of free time in the afternoons.  I used the time to shop for a new computer and to work on some programming skills I had been wanting to learn.  That was kindof fun.

Tobi' husband, Jimmy, who used to be my roommate came over one night to watch some of the NCAA tournament.  I went out to see a movie with Tobi (Oz the Great and Powerful), I went with Jimmy and Tobi to the local Farmer's Market and bought some cheese and a delicious sausage biscuit.  I got a cup holder for my wheelchair.  I did a couple vigorous walks around the neighborhood.  I watched a couple movies I had been saving for a special occasion, and I generally felt really good.

A sorely needed wheelchair addition

I've been feeling really good the last little while, and it's pretty exciting.  My heels are healing nicely.  I still have quite a bit of pain in my butt, and I'm going to have to figure out what to do about that somehow, but in almost every other regard, I've been doing great.  Even the program has been really great this week.

I'm just waiting for surgery, and after that, I should finally be back to where I was in rehab.  I can't wait.

I'd like to write more, but this weekend is Martinsville, and while I can't make it up to the cabin yet, my friends are on their way to my apartment right now to hang out before they go, so I have to go get ready.  Should be a fun evening.