Acceptance

This is gonna be an awesome scar

I want to take a minute to talk about my attitude toward this whole paralysis situation.  I think I surprise a lot of people with my positive attitude, and honestly, I think I am more surprised than anybody.  I know myself pretty well, and I don't know anything about myself that accounts for that attitude.

Yesterday afternoon, I attended a group meeting between all the spinal patients on the floor.  I think the point was mostly to meet some other people with similar spinal injuries, and to be able to commiserate a little bit.  Most of the people in the group were obviously still holding out hope for getting back use of their legs, and seemed pretty depressed by their situation.  That seems normal to me.

The thing is that I don't really feel bad for myself.  At the worst, I feel like I just need to accept paralysis as a fact, and do what I need to do to move forward.  I told the group that I considered the whole situation a challenge and an adventure, which is true.  That's how I feel about it.

Rationally, I don't think that's how I'm supposed to feel, and I do wonder if I will always feel that way, but for now, the overwhelming feeling I have when I think about my situation is that it's an opportunity, and I don't want to waste it.  So this evening, I spent some time thinking about why I feel that way.  I came up with two answers.

1. I have felt for a while that my life needed some sort of change, and I was too hung up by psychological inertia to do anything.  The accident forces me to make some changes, for better or worse that will at least mean something different and unpredictable for me in the future.  That's exciting, and makes this whole situation feel like an opportunity.
2. After the way so many people have rallied around me, I feel like giving up or putting any less than 100% effort into my recovery would be letting them down.  I feel like I can't do that to them, so that means I have to come out the other side of this thing as strong and independent as I was before.  For me, a positive attitude is the only way to accomplish that goal, and therefore to validate the efforts everyone has put in on my behalf, whether it's sending me a card in the hospital, or helping me sell my house.  The support of all my friends is what makes it easy to want to get better, and I don't know that I could do it without that support.

So I guess I just wanted to say that to emphasize to everyone how important your care and support is to me, and how much I think it means to my recovery.  I don't think its importance can be overstated.

Making Progress

I had a really good day of therapy yesterday.  I was able to start doing board transfers with very little help.  That's where you use your hands to walk yourself across a board that makes a bridge between your wheelchair and a bed.  It requires strength and balance, and I couldn't do it at all just a couple days ago.

The other thing I did today was to go from lying on a bed to sitting on the edge of the bed almost completely by myself for the first time.  It was EXTREMELY difficult, and I was light-headed and in a lot of pain by the time it was done, but I did it, and it felt really good to accomplish with minimal help.

TMI

So Emily, one of my PT therapists asked me today if I wanted to see the X-ray films of my injury.  I think I'm going to want to see them someday, but for now, I said no.  I'm concerned that seeing the injury in detail is going to make me squeamish about pushing myself in therapy.  I think for me, too much knowledge is a bad thing.  So I'm going to wait until it doesn't hurt anymore before I look at the film.  And then I'm going to share it with everyone I know.

The Adventures of Buddha Bear

Buddha Bear has really been worth his weight in entertainment.  He's always getting into something.

In my bed

Trying out my chair

Hanging out with my favorite nurse, Leslie

Spending some alone-time with me

Thanks, Young Brother

I only get him for a couple more days, but I want to take this opportunity to thank my little brother for helping me out this week.  He's been a HUGE help, and will be sorely missed when he leaves this weekend.

In his natural environment

Looking busy

Titus and Britney Tonight

Titus and Britney came to hang out tonight.  So far, they are my only evening visitors.  They're also the most fun.

We played Sequence

Titus and I won

Titus throwing some gang signs in the elevator

Britney pushing me up the mountain

I swear, I'm helping

Good times

A Painful Day

It seems like it's about time to start writing about how I'm doing here at rehab.  Yesterday I had a pretty good morning at PT (Physical Therapy).  Emily worked with me on using the board to transfer from the wheel chair to a bed and back, and I did most of the work by myself.  That was pretty difficult, but felt really good to do on my own.

Emily's special brand of motivation

Unfortunately, in the afternoon, Courtney made me do some exercises where I tried to make the transition from laying in bed to sitting on the edge.  Turns out I'm not flexible enough for some of the moves yet, and I hurt my back pretty bad, and messed it up for the rest of the day.

I'm still in quite a bit of pain from my surgery and from injuries suffered in the crash, and that pain is the biggest obstacle to my rehab.  My left hand/wrist is a mess, and I can't put much pressure on it.  The doctors say it's probably not broken, but they may take an x-ray in the next couple days if it doesn't start to get better.  I also have some broken ribs that can be tricky when I have to roll sideways onto them or laugh.  Finally, my back hurts quite a bit where they did my surgery.  It's hard to describe that pain, but it's sort of like a cross between a stab wound and a badly pulled muscle.  The Percocet helps a lot with that one most of the time.