Acceptance

This is gonna be an awesome scar

I want to take a minute to talk about my attitude toward this whole paralysis situation.  I think I surprise a lot of people with my positive attitude, and honestly, I think I am more surprised than anybody.  I know myself pretty well, and I don't know anything about myself that accounts for that attitude.

Yesterday afternoon, I attended a group meeting between all the spinal patients on the floor.  I think the point was mostly to meet some other people with similar spinal injuries, and to be able to commiserate a little bit.  Most of the people in the group were obviously still holding out hope for getting back use of their legs, and seemed pretty depressed by their situation.  That seems normal to me.

The thing is that I don't really feel bad for myself.  At the worst, I feel like I just need to accept paralysis as a fact, and do what I need to do to move forward.  I told the group that I considered the whole situation a challenge and an adventure, which is true.  That's how I feel about it.

Rationally, I don't think that's how I'm supposed to feel, and I do wonder if I will always feel that way, but for now, the overwhelming feeling I have when I think about my situation is that it's an opportunity, and I don't want to waste it.  So this evening, I spent some time thinking about why I feel that way.  I came up with two answers.

1. I have felt for a while that my life needed some sort of change, and I was too hung up by psychological inertia to do anything.  The accident forces me to make some changes, for better or worse that will at least mean something different and unpredictable for me in the future.  That's exciting, and makes this whole situation feel like an opportunity.
2. After the way so many people have rallied around me, I feel like giving up or putting any less than 100% effort into my recovery would be letting them down.  I feel like I can't do that to them, so that means I have to come out the other side of this thing as strong and independent as I was before.  For me, a positive attitude is the only way to accomplish that goal, and therefore to validate the efforts everyone has put in on my behalf, whether it's sending me a card in the hospital, or helping me sell my house.  The support of all my friends is what makes it easy to want to get better, and I don't know that I could do it without that support.

So I guess I just wanted to say that to emphasize to everyone how important your care and support is to me, and how much I think it means to my recovery.  I don't think its importance can be overstated.