Two Steps Back

I had my appointment with Dr. Dahners last week, and it went about as well as could have been hoped.  He said he saw no evidence of bone regrowth, and that I could schedule the next surgery whenever I'm ready.

The problem is I'm not ready.  The right hip still hurts quite a bit, and I've given up hope of that ever changing.  I really don't want to have to deal with both hips in pain for the rest of my life, but that's seeming like how it's going to happen.

Last week was really good.  I had some changes in meds that seemed to make a big improvement to something that has been bothering me since I got out of the hospital.  I consider it the biggest problem I have, but it's something I don't like to talk about on the blog.  I was ecstatic that it was finally getting better after 8 months of constant discouragement.  I actually felt like going out and having a little fun.  I was actually looking forward to writing this blog.

The I got to the weekend.  The thing that had been improving suddenly got worse than it's been in a long time.  I had stupidly allowed myself to believe things were getting better, so that has been a huge emotional blow.

At the same time, I've started having pressure issues with my rear.  The seat cushions I have for my wheelchair have started to come apart, and I didn't realize how bad it was until I started experiencing pain in my butt.  It has gotten worse every day for the last week or two, and the last couple days it was so bad I didn't want to get out of bed at all.  I got up last night for a few hours to have wine and cheese with some friends which was a lot of fun, but really painful.

I think I'm starting to develop pressure sores on my rear.  There's no visual evidence when you look, but it feels like my hip bones are tearing through from the inside.  Any time I sit up, it feels like I'm sitting on a hot skillet, and it's a horrible problem to have for someone who can't stand up.

Oh, and I'm still wearing those boots for my heel issues.  That's still no fun.

Gus went and got me a temporary replacement cushion for my wheelchair which hurts a lot less, but it's uncomfortable in other ways, and I just found out I can no longer fit my legs under my dining room table because it's thicker and sits me up higher.

In the context of everything that's going wrong right now, I can't even give any attention to the fact that my hip seems better.

Since I've been spending so much time in bed the last couple days, I've had time to think, and I realized my injury happened a year ago next month.  That was a crazy realization, but then I thought about how little progress I've made in that time.  Whenever something gets a little better, something else gets worse.  And then invariably the first thing gets worse again later.  I think my right hip is the only thing that is better now than when I left rehab.  That's pretty depressing to think about.

I guess my leg spasms are somewhat reduced.  I'm going to go get back in bed and think about that I guess.