Holding Pattern

I'm reluctant to admit it, but I've been doing quite well the last week or so.  I'm still dealing with pain in my ischials, but everything else is getting a lot better.  I'm sure something will go wrong any minute now, but right now, I'm pretty happy.  My hip feels okay, and I have scheduled surgery on my other hip for early May.

In the meantime, I'm just killing time, waiting for something to happen.

Gus and his family just left for Kansas for 10 days or so, and I'm reminded how lucky I am to have them in my life.  I honestly don't know how I could have gotten this far without them.  Some of my other friends are going to try to take up the slack without them this week, but I still feel naked knowing Gus isn't around.

Turns out I'm also going to miss little Evelyn.  Uyen sent me a video this week.

It immediately made me think of this.  I'm okay with being compared to Mr. Wonka.

Extremes

It's interesting how my life seems to be a series of extremes these days.  Just a couple weeks ago, everything seemed to be going wrong, and I was completely miserable.  Then suddenly, things turned around, and for the last week or so, it seems like things have been about as good as they could be.  Well, as good as they could be given my revised expectations.  It's not like I can walk or anything.

On Monday, my replacement seat cushions for my wheelchair arrived.  Those have really helped with my sitting pain.  Turns out the technical term for your butt bones is "ischium" or "ischial tuberosities".  Mine still don't feel great, but they feel soooooo much better than a couple weeks ago.  They no longer feel like the bones are going to come poking through at any time.  They do still feel sore all the time though.

My leg spasms are slightly worse than they were last week, but right now the things that bother me the most are pretty much behaving themselves.  Also, the pain in my hip seems a lot better this week, to the point that I'm thinking about scheduling my next surgery.  That's pretty exciting.

I'm still wearing the boots, but my heels are getting a lot better.  My left heel is essentially healed, and my right is on the way.  You can see that there is new skin under the remains of the blister, and it's only a matter of time before all the nasty old skin falls off.

I've had quite a few visitors in the last few days.  I mentioned Titus and Brittany in my last post, and since then, I've had dinner with Mike and Sue, David and Kristen, and last night with Julie.  It's been nice to have so much company for dinner since lately, it's been getting harder to get people to come hang out.  I'm not exactly lonely, but I certainly don't have the flood of visitors I had when I was in rehab.  I can't say I don't miss it.

Speaking of visitors, Gus's family will be out of town from March 23 through March 31, and I'll be all alone, so I'd love to see anybody who wants to stop by that week.  Especially if there's food involved.

And speaking of Gus's family, for the last year or so, I've been spending a lot of time with little Evelyn, and she's been growing up right before my eyes.  I guess that's what they do.  Anyway, when she started coming here, she could barely color inside the lines of a coloring book picture.  Lately, she has been drawing her own pictures.  Sometimes they're of her family, and sometimes she includes me.  I think that's precious.

Guess which one I am

A Good Day

After a couple days in bed, my butt felt a little better yesterday.  Not great, just not quite as painful as before.  So yesterday Titus and Brittany came down for dinner, and we had a good time at Buffalo Wings and Rings.

Friends and food

I love these guys.  I love that they still come visit me as often as they do.  I think I see more of them now that I live 30 minutes away than I did when I lived next door.

We also had some Blue Bell ice cream, and Titus gave me a haircut.  All the time in the wheelchair made my butt hurt more today, but it was worth it.  Now I'm going back to bed to rest my butt, but I wanted to share that I had a good day.  Still taking them one at a time.

Two Steps Back

I had my appointment with Dr. Dahners last week, and it went about as well as could have been hoped.  He said he saw no evidence of bone regrowth, and that I could schedule the next surgery whenever I'm ready.

The problem is I'm not ready.  The right hip still hurts quite a bit, and I've given up hope of that ever changing.  I really don't want to have to deal with both hips in pain for the rest of my life, but that's seeming like how it's going to happen.

Last week was really good.  I had some changes in meds that seemed to make a big improvement to something that has been bothering me since I got out of the hospital.  I consider it the biggest problem I have, but it's something I don't like to talk about on the blog.  I was ecstatic that it was finally getting better after 8 months of constant discouragement.  I actually felt like going out and having a little fun.  I was actually looking forward to writing this blog.

The I got to the weekend.  The thing that had been improving suddenly got worse than it's been in a long time.  I had stupidly allowed myself to believe things were getting better, so that has been a huge emotional blow.

At the same time, I've started having pressure issues with my rear.  The seat cushions I have for my wheelchair have started to come apart, and I didn't realize how bad it was until I started experiencing pain in my butt.  It has gotten worse every day for the last week or two, and the last couple days it was so bad I didn't want to get out of bed at all.  I got up last night for a few hours to have wine and cheese with some friends which was a lot of fun, but really painful.

I think I'm starting to develop pressure sores on my rear.  There's no visual evidence when you look, but it feels like my hip bones are tearing through from the inside.  Any time I sit up, it feels like I'm sitting on a hot skillet, and it's a horrible problem to have for someone who can't stand up.

Oh, and I'm still wearing those boots for my heel issues.  That's still no fun.

Gus went and got me a temporary replacement cushion for my wheelchair which hurts a lot less, but it's uncomfortable in other ways, and I just found out I can no longer fit my legs under my dining room table because it's thicker and sits me up higher.

In the context of everything that's going wrong right now, I can't even give any attention to the fact that my hip seems better.

Since I've been spending so much time in bed the last couple days, I've had time to think, and I realized my injury happened a year ago next month.  That was a crazy realization, but then I thought about how little progress I've made in that time.  Whenever something gets a little better, something else gets worse.  And then invariably the first thing gets worse again later.  I think my right hip is the only thing that is better now than when I left rehab.  That's pretty depressing to think about.

I guess my leg spasms are somewhat reduced.  I'm going to go get back in bed and think about that I guess.

Food, Drink, and Friends

As I had hoped, Friday and Saturday were just fantastic.  Let me tell you about them.

Gus has a weird food hang-up.  At least I think it's weird.  Everybody that lives in the south knows that Waffle House is delicious.  Gus agrees, but he thinks it should only be eaten on cold, gloomy days.  I agree that it's better on those type of days, but I think it's pretty darn good on nice days as well.  Anyway, on Thursday, Gus decided we should think about Waffle House for lunch on Friday, but we had to wait for Friday to check out the weather before we would know for sure if it was okay.  So I was in suspense for 24 hours, trying to figure out what I would order, but not wanting to get too excited in case Friday dawned warm and sunny.

Fortunately for me, Friday was cold and rainy, and Waffle House was in the cards.

Gus, Evelyn, and Uyen at the Waffle House

So greasy, so good

My lunch was a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on Texas toast, and a waffle with coffee.  Delicious.  I wanted to get something else, maybe some grits, but I was expecting an even better dinner, so I didn't want to over-do it.  As it was, I was incapacitated until about 5:00.

Fortunately, I was able to find some room by the time my brother-in-law arrived around 7:00.  He found time to come for a visit last night, and I took him to my favorite local restaurant, Tribeca Tavern.

Jon at Tribeca

Tribeca has a lot of good food, but their hamburgers are incredible.  They grind the beef on-site every morning, so it's fresh enough that you can have them cook it as rare as you like.  It's also moist enough that even cooked medium, the meat is succulent and extremely flavorful.  I feel like restaurant hamburgers are usually a fallback menu item for people who don't like more exciting food, but at Tribeca, the burgers are definitely worth getting excited about.

An exciting hamburger

After dinner, Jon and I headed back to my place to have a few beers and hang out with Gus for a while.  I hadn't seen Jon since Thanksgiving, so it was nice to spend some time with him and have some fun.

Jon was gone by the time I got up this morning, but that was okay because this morning was my whiskey class with Tobi.

Tobi picked me up, and we arrived at Lucky 32 restaurant ten minutes early for the 11:00 class.  The class was run tag-team by Lucky 32's head chef, and a lady who is employed by Jim Beam as a regional whiskey ambassador.  It sounds like a pretty sweet job for somebody who enjoys bourbon.

Head Chef Jay Pierce making gumbo

The class included three courses of food, Cajun gumbo served with a cocktail called a sezerac made with rye whiskey and absinthe, a curried lamb over rice with the whiskey tasting, and a slice of bourbon chocolate pecan pie with coffee.

Whiskey and rye

American pie?

The whiskeys we tasted were all from Knob Creek, and included their 9-year old small batch straight bourbon, their rye whiskey, and their 120 proof single-barrel bourbon.

The food was really excellent, and I learned a lot about whiskey production and history, but the most valuable thing I took away was a much better understanding of how to correctly appreciate whiskey.

Here's a brief summary of what I learned:

• Use a glass that concentrates the vapors so you can appreciate the aroma.  This will help you understand what flavors to expect.  A rocks glass will let the aroma disperse and disappear.  If your venue does not have snifters, a wine glass will suffice.
• To appreciate the aroma, sniff with your mouth open.  If you don't, the alcohol will likely overwhelm your senses, masking the smells you're looking for.
• If you consume whiskey on the rocks, it will disperse the flavor far too much.
• It is appropriate to order your whiskey neat with a glass of ice water on the side and a plastic drinking straw.  You can use the straw to add small amounts of water to the whiskey until you achieve the flavor you want.
• It is correct to water down your whiskey until you remove the bite that you experience at the back of your tongue.  The bite will burn your palette and prevent you from experiencing the full flavor of the drink.  Adding 20% water to the whiskey is a good rule of thumb, but higher alcohol content requires more water.

This last rule was a revelation to my understanding of whiskey.  I have often felt when drinking whiskey neat, that the alcohol overwhelmed the experience, especially for drinks with higher alcohol content.  Once you understand how to properly water your drink though, you can make any whiskey palatable, and get down to the actual flavor of the product.  Apparently it is common for even master distillers to use water in this way.

Tobi and the class

So anyway, from a food and drink perspective, I just had about the best 36 hours I've had in years.  When we got home, Tobi gave me a 300-page whiskey reference book which she believes will help with our continued pursuit of whiskey appreciation.

More than you need to know about whiskey

After Tobi left, I needed a nap, so I slept for almost 4 hours.  Then I got up and wrote this post.  I have to say, I'm jealous of 2-days-ago Jason.  He knew he was about to have a good couple days, and I'm sad for right-now Jason because his fun is over, for now.  But I do want to thank Gus and Uyen and Jon and Tobi for making the last couple days so memorable.  Now I just have to figure out when I can do it again.

Taste

If you haven't read my last post, go get that out of the way first.  It's okay, I'll wait.

My last post.

Now that we're done with that, here's something I'd rather talk about.

My friend, Tobi, is married to my friend, Jimmy.  Jimmy and I were roommates when they were dating, so we used to see a lot of each other, and it was Tobi's interest in and exploration of wine that taught me everything I ever knew about the subject.

So when Tobi recently decided to start learning about whiskey, she thought of me.  She has been bugging me for a month to go to this food/whiskey pairing class with her.  I assume she can't take Jimmy because someone has to stay home with the kids.

I wasn't sure if I'd be in good enough shape to go with her, but I recently decided I'd give it a try.  The class is this coming Saturday, but Tobi wanted to come over and taste some of my collection as she had almost zero experience with whiskey.

So last night Jimmy took the kids, and Tobi brought dinner and some desserts, and we set about eating and drinking.  I enjoy owning whiskey, and I enjoy drinking whiskey on occasion, but I really enjoy sharing it with friends, so this was a lot of fun.  We got to sample some Maker's Mark, some Glenlivet, both 12 and 15 year, some Jamison, and some Henry McKenna Single Barrel.

I paired those drinks with a green Thai curry, some club crackers, some bourbon pecan bars, and some bourbon ice cream.  It was a delightful experience, and it was fun to sample so many of my whiskeys side-by-side to compare flavors.  I hadn't done that before.

The good stuff

We had a lot of fun, and by the time Tobi's ride picked her up around 9:30, I was feeling pretty good.  Tobi wants to institute a "Whiskey Wednesday" policy that involves a weekly trip to a bar that has a good whiskey selection.  I'm not totally opposed.

As it turned out, after Tobi left, Mister Gus became free, and came over sans Evelyn to help me enjoy an EXTREMELY sharp cheddar that our friend, Caitlin, got us and a bottle of Riesling I had been saving for the occasion.

I can't even tell you how good this cheese was.  It was so sharp it had crystals in it.  Little crunchy bits.  I know I'm not making it sound good, but it was spectacular.  The wine was a little older than it should have been, but it was sweet and had a bit of a tart apple flavor that complemented the cheese perfectly.

Sharp!

So we sat around for a couple hours and watched some of the KU basketball game and talked about racing motorcycles.

The whole evening was the most fun I've had in what seems like forever.  So many flavors, and such good company.

I didn't sleep very well, but it was totally worth it.  I was still in bed at noon today when Gus and Evelyn showed up with Starbucks and these incredible donuts from Rise over in Durham.  We split a Creme Brulee and a Basil Creme with Pistachio.  The donuts are extremely high quality, and that second one is truly remarkable.  A sweet and slightly salty mix of flavors you don't expect in a donut, but that works so well.

Anyway, it was a great 24 hours.  I spent the rest of today (Thursday) recovering, and I'm currently crossing my fingers that tomorrow will be almost as good.  Stay tuned.

Complaints

I am a complainer.  I know this about myself, and anyone who has had the misfortune to live with me for any length of time knows it quite well.  It's the thing I dislike about myself the most, and it's the biggest reason I'm surprised I have as many friends as I do.

I try hard to avoid complaining because I know it's off-putting, and I can't afford to drive people away these days.  Unfortunately, I can't always help myself.  It's who I am.  In the context of this blog however, it's easier to censor myself.

In this blog, I've been reluctant to share all the things that have gone wrong for me.  They're not fun to talk about, and some of them are fairly embarrassing.  The fact is, since I left the hospital, every time something has gotten even slightly better, within a day or two, something else has gotten much worse.  I like to talk about the things that get better, but I avoid talking about the other stuff because I don't want to complain.  In most cases, it wouldn't do any good anyway.

The last week provides a good example.  A week ago, my hip was still in a fair amount of pain, but it seemed to be steadily improving.  So I was busy starting to feel encouraged by that when the nurse came for a visit and discovered the beginnings of pressure sores on my heels.

The term "pressure sore" seems fairly innocuous, but it describes something that is actually really horrible.  There are points on your body, and your heel is one, where the bone puts a lot of pressure on the inside of your skin.  If you don't shift position often enough, like when you're sleeping, the pressure of the bone will squeeze out all the blood from the muscle and skin, and then the tissue will start to deteriorate from the inside.  If left alone, the bone will eventually auger it's way all the way through the skin, forming a horrible open wound with exposed bone.  The bone also ensures that it is very difficult to heal these wounds because any time it touches anything, the bone will tear it larger.

On one of my visits to UNC rehab after I left, I met a guy who had got a pressure sore on his butt, and had to spend 2 years in bed on his stomach to let it heal.  Pressure sores are no joke, and they can form surprisingly quickly.

Anyway, I had a stage 1 pressure sore on my left heel and a stage 2 pressure sore on my right heel.  Those are not to the point of skin breakage (they go to stage 4), but the stage 2 in particular is definitely serious.

Stage 1 pressure sore

Stage 2 pressure sore

Horrible?  You betcha.  The stage 2 one was actually a huge blood blister caused by the wound leaking blood into the outer layer of my skin.  And I can't feel or see any of this, so it's a fairly dangerous situation.  So the nurse called the doctor, and he insisted that I had to stop wearing the compression socks I had been wearing because they put pressure on the wounds, and I also had to start wearing prefo boots when I sleep.

Prefo boots are designed so that your heel doesn't contact anything when you wear them, so they're ideal for helping to heal this sort of wound, but they're big and ugly and heavy and impractical.  I'm not required to wear them when I'm out of bed, but I can't reach my feet so I can't take them off or put them on myself.  Therefore, I have to wear them all the time.

Prefo boots with custom duct tape toe cups

So I have to wear the boots all the time with no socks.  The boots actually expose my ankles to the air, and my toes as well.  Gus helped me fabricate some duct tape toe cups to cover my toes, but they are still not very practical to use outdoors, especially in the cold.

I'll probably have to wear the boots for at least 3 weeks.  They make it much more difficult to get into or out of bed, and they make it impossible to put on or remove pants by myself.  That complicates the bowel program.  And without the compression socks, my feet have swollen up to about double their normal size.  I'd show you, but I can't take the boots off.

This isn't even the worst thing that has happened to me in the last few months, but I try not to talk about this sort of thing on the blog because I don't want to complain.  I think it's a legitimate thing to complain about, but I just don't like being a complainer.  I've just been feeling like the blog doesn't paint an accurate picture of how I'm really doing, and that was never my intent.

The fact of the matter is though, in spite of the complications caused by the pressure sores, the boots haven't been as bad as they might have been.  Gus made me a pair of basketball tearaway pants by cutting up some of my larger pants and riveting snaps up the sides.  It's hard, but I can get them on and off myself if I really need to.  And I've been able to get by without taking my pants all the way off except occasionally.  And Gus has provided the extra help I've needed to make it through the last week.  I've survived this way for a week now, and I've only had to call him over for one boot-related emergency in that time.

That's another thing that makes me not want to complain.  As long as I've got Gus helping me out, it feels like I can get through any of this.

I've wanted to write this post for a week now, but I've been lazy.  And now that I've finally gotten around to writing about how bad things are, some of the other things that have been bothering me are actually starting to show signs of improvement.  For instance, my hip pain continues to improve.  It's a little early to declare any sort of victory, and I'm still waiting to see what else gets worse, but right now I'm feeling more optimistic than I have in months.  Hopefully I can write about that soon.